What "Missed Connections" teaches us about letting go (2024)

Although good Filipino family movies tend to be big hits, I think we Pinoys excel in psychological dramas the most. The Filipino psychological film that I recently watched on Netflix is Missed Connections. I initially streamed it because I liked its lead actress, Miles Ocampo, in Write About Love (which is yet another excellent psychological coming-of-age film). And true enough, Missed Connections did not disappoint!

From Infatuation to Obsession

Missed Connections is about Mae, a struggling T-shirt artist. Mae designs and sells T-shirts with quirky romantic messages. She’s also reeling from a breakup and is grieving the death of her parents. Like other young single women, she’s been yearning for love on top of feeling lost about the direction of her career.

One day, Mae comes across a guy in a green jacket at the grocery store. She instantly develops an intense crush on him — partly because he’s cute, partly because she reeks of desperation. But the guy leaves before she could introduce herself, and is nowhere to be found.

Convinced that she had a special connection with the man, Mae posts a public message for him online using an app called, Missed Connections. She eventually finds Norman (the guy from the grocery store) on the app and meets up with him, only to discover that he is using the same app to date Julia, a beauty vlogger.

Instead of moving on, Mae doubles down on the fantasy that Norman loves her, not Julia. Her delusions eventually drive her to set aside her business to sabotage Norman and Julia’s relationship.

Fantasy World

I think this movie is quite profound because it depicts the painful truth that we tend to hold on to unfounded narratives in our minds which compel us to behave in ways that will lead to more rejection. But we refuse to let go of those fantasies because they are more comforting than the reality that we are alone…and that we might be for a long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

In Mae’s case, she obsesses about Norman because she has not recovered from being cheated on by her ex-boyfriend. She constantly worries about how failing to win Norman over will prove her ex right that she’s undesirable. Unfortunately for Mae, Norman chooses to date the more conventionally attractive Julia instead of her. To cope, Mae deludes herself into thinking that Julia is an arrogant, promiscuous woman and thus undeserving of Norman’s love. The truth though is that Julia is a super nice person.

In her obsession, Mae doesn’t realize that the people she wants to sabotage are suffering more than she is. She never finds out that Norman exhibits mild symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is probably due to the intense pressure of having to please his family. Julia, on the other hand, has never had a serious relationship prior to Norman because other men only used her.

Aside from looking pathetic because she’s chasing after a guy she barely knows, Mae neglects her business and refuses to get to know another potential suitor. Thus she alienates herself even more.

How to Let Go

Later in the movie, Mae asks her spinster aunt how she remains happy despite being unmarried. The aunt tells Mae that one will eventually get used to being alone. What a profound yet simple truth!

Singles will be surprised at how strong they can be without romantic partners if it’s not yet the right time for them to marry. When singles focus on maximizing the privileges that they have now instead of engaging in all sorts of machinations to find love, they’ll realize that they can be happy in ways that romantically involved people are not. In many cases, they’re even happier!

It’s also better to be alone than to be trapped in a miserable relationship. When I was younger, I was more prone to indulging in fantasies about what it would be like to be with the guys that I fell for. I thought that one of them would make a good husband because I imagined that he was godly and bound to be successful. The truth was, the guy couldn’t hold down a job! He also kept on hanging out with people whose values contradicted mine, because he had more in common with them than with me.

I held on to my false beliefs about him for a long time because deep down, I thought he would help me fulfill my calling by complementing my weaknesses with his supposed strengths. The reality was that I myself needed to develop the strengths that I imagined him to have. It was hard to accept that because working on my deficiencies entailed experiencing failures and loneliness.

I now thank God that that guy pursued someone else, as the rejection forced me to be fruitful in the opportunities that I do have. Plus I don’t want to get married to a deadbeat husband!

All of us are prone to holding on to false narratives that cause self-sabotage. The sooner we identify our wrong beliefs, the less damage they will cause. We derived many of those unhealthy fantasies from the mainstream media, which is why I will review the Korean-American teenage drama XO, Kitty in the next article.

(Photo by Belinda Fewings)